My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
