my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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