your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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