guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
