end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
