Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
