I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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