my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
