i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
