He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
