so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
