I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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