Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
