Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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