I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
