dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
