I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
