no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
