I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
