Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
