i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
