life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
