I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
