my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
