He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
God, I missed his penis.
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