sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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