i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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