if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm too high and old for this...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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