i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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