Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
