wrigley field is MILF paradise
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
