Pappa wants mamma naked
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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