i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
