I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
