dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
