The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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