last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i think my cat just said my name.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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