did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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