I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
