the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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