WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
