I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
