we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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