Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
