Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
