The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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