Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
