I wish I only lived at night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
