my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
