new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
