its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
