there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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