I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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