the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just cut my nipple shaving
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
