I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
